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Emotional Intelligence
Traditionally and over generations, logical/mathematical and linguistic abilities have been the criteria for judging intelligence. In the last century however, psychologists have discovered the importance of Emotional Intelligence for success.
A clinical psychologist at Tel Aviv University, Reuven Bar-On, developed psychological tests to measure a person's 'Emotional Quotient' or 'EQ'. As per his definition, emotionally intelligent people are - "...generally optimistic, flexible and realistic and are fairly successful in solving problems and coping with stress without losing control." (Quoted in Children and Martin, The HeartMath Solution).
John Mayer and Peter Salovey were psychologists who developed the concept of 'emotional intelligence' as being made up of five 'competencies' or traits:
1. Self-Knowledge (knowing one's emotions)
2. Self-Management (managing one's emotions)
3. Motivation
4. Empathy (identifying emotions in others)
5. Handling relationships
These categories were popularised by Daniel Goleman in the best-selling books Emotional Intelligence and Working with Emotional Intelligence.
Here's a peek at how emotional intelligence can be developed:
- Developing Self-Awareness
Think of your emotions as carrying a message - either about something
that is happening now, or something that happened in the past
that you haven't completely resolved. Whenever you feel an emotion
you're not comfortable with, ask yourself, "What is this feeling
trying to tell me?"
One of the best ways to develop your awareness of your own emotions is to meditate - be aware of your breath as it flows in and out and observe your thoughts and feelings as they come and go, without judging them. This will give you a sense of detachment, realising that there is more to you than the thoughts and emotions you are experiencing at the time.
Another good way to become more aware is to take five minutes each morning to write down how you're feeling. This not only gives you a degree of detachment, but also allows you to express your feelings in a way that is safe and private.
- Taking Responsibility for the Way you Act and Feel
It is important that you accept the emotions you are feeling as your own. Often we regard certain feelings as unacceptable and therefore, refuse to acknowledge them. This leads to trouble, as we still tend to act from our emotions even if we deny them. At times, we project them on to other people, so that someone who is in denial about their own anger may encounter a lot of 'angry' people.
We also talk about emotions as if they just 'happen' to us, or that other people create in us; as in 'She made me angry' or 'He upset me'. Some of us even seem to have inanimate objects controlling our emotions: 'That squeaky gate is really ticking me off!'
You can change any of your mental filters and emotional responses.
This means that you can take 'response - ability' - the ability
to be able to choose how you want to feel about anything that
happens. NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and other technologies
for rapid change have a wealth of techniques for helping you to
change even the deepest-rooted habitual responses.
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