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- Remembering that you are not your Emotions
'Bad' emotions do not exist. Whatever you feel, is giving you
valuable information, either about the situation you're in, or
about some event that's happened in the past that you need to
learn from and move on.
People tend to think that they 'ought' to feel a certain way.
They believe that they are a 'bad person' for feeling emotions
they have been brought up to believe are wrong. In fact, how you
respond to those feelings is what matters. You have a choice about
how you act on it. Judging yourself does not make you a better
person.
- Putting yourself in the Other Person's
Shoes
Any time that you're dealing with another person - on a date,
at a job interview, in a dispute, selling to them, working with
them or just hanging out - things will go more smoothly if, from
time to time, you put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself,
"What's going on for this person right now? What's important to
them? What do they want from this interchange? What might they
be feeling?"
Everyone sees the world in different ways, and everything that
person does and says makes sense from their viewpoint, even if
it makes no sense to you. If you assume their perception is the
same as yours, then some of those 'actions' might seem stupid
or malicious. If you get a sense of what's going on for them,
you will find them much easier to communicate with.
- Getting some distance from the Bad Stuff
Most of the times, the way we feel is a response to the images
our minds run, or to an internal critical voice. While the mind's
intention in creating these thoughts and images is positive, the
effect is often unhelpful.
You can therefore, use your mental 'remote control' to alter the qualities of your mental pictures. Make your good memories and fantasies big, bright, moving and 'real'. This way, you can enjoy the most intense positive feelings from them. If you have to look at bad memories or imagine an unpleasant experience, make the picture small, dim, monochrome and two-dimensional, and look at it as if you were a detached observer. That way you can still get whatever information you need, while minimising uncomfortable emotional responses. Similarly, a softly spoken voice will have less impact than a loud inner voice with an edge to it.
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